The Sacrifice of Love
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:18, 21-25, NKJV)
God created a helper for Adam. God created Eve for Adam. In other words, Eve was created to help Adam fulfil God’s calling upon his life. In verses 19 and 20 of Genesis 2, the Bible says:
“Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” (NKJV)
Adam had responsibilities before Eve was created. Eve was not created into a world of her own; she was created from Adam’s rib (being part and parcel of him) to enhance his relationship with God and to enable him fulfil God’s purpose for his existence. Conversely, Adam was incomplete without Eve. The implication here is that God never intended for the husband and wife to go separate ways or for them to be on their own. It was not and never will be about him or her; it will always be about both of them together. The husband and the wife have challenging responsibilities. Being part of God's plan for the fulfillment of His plan for your spouse is what love is all about. Of course, there are mutual benefits but those benefits would pale into insignificance if the greater responsibilities are ignored. Sacrificial love is the key.
Now, in Ephesians 5, we read
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (Ephesians 5:25-29, NKJV)
This is some powerful stuff. The ministry of the husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loves the Church. What does that mean? This love is far above and beyond emotions (although emotions are good and necessary); it is unconditional and sacrificial love. It is a command for the husband to think less of himself and more of his wife.
In fact, marriage was intended primarily for dual ministration (physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and otherwise), more for holiness than happiness ~ husband to wife and wife to husband. Think about it. If the primary concern of the husband in the marital relationship was his wife and not himself and vice versa, what sort of marriages would we have? Show me a woman who would not die for a man who really loves her. Men, do you get the point?
Show me a man who would not die for a woman who honours and respects him who does not nag but supports and gently points him in the right direction if he is going all over the place? Can you imagine how that man would feel if his wife knows about his vulnerabilities but delights in him? Show me a woman who knows that her husband loves her despite her flaws, does not scream at her when she gets it wrong but understands; does not always try to be the teacher but basks in the privilege and opportunity to be a quiet supporter; does not always speak but allows his acts of compassion and love to shout ‘Hallelujah’ and I will show you a woman who would follow her husband to the ends of the earth.
The big question is ~ how do we get there? Let me start by saying that any marriage that does not incorporate sacrifice in a literal sense is doomed. Marriage is not about us; it is about God and the one that He has brought to us. And believe me, if Christian men and women had this mindset, the engagement and courtship process would be shorter, easier and sweeter. Very often, the question asked is: 'what can he or she do for me?' instead of 'what can I do for him or her?'. Think about it ~ if the man approached marriage with the mindset of sowing into the life of his bride, how much more rewarding, fulfilling and liberating marriage would be? If the bride approached marriage knowing that her primary responsibility in the marriage was the uplifting of her husband, how peaceful and exhilarating the marital relationship would be.
So, we are confronted with a serious problem and that is that the focus of many marital relationships is self-benefit as opposed to sacrificial enhancement of the other. Of course there are benefits/blessings in getting married but that should not be the emphasis.
Jesus demonstrated such sacrificial love. He came so that ~ “…He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” It is clear that the greater responsibility is our contribution towards the establishment of the other individual in the relationship. That is something to think about.
Understanding God’s purpose in marriage breeds patience, humility, sacrificial ministration and accountability to God. We will give account of our spouses to God (how we treated them, whether we understood what God created them for, whether we prayed for them, whether we loved them,…)
“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.”
(John 15:7-10, NKJV)
Jesus was willing to let Judas Iscariot go, not because He wanted to but because Judas made the choice. That is sacrifice in love. Love without sacrifice is meaningless. Sometimes, one’s love for someone may mean losing the person because of respect for their choices. That’s a hard place to be but possible through the love of God shed abroad in our hearts (Romans 5:5). It is possible for one to love another without being loved in return. Jesus washed the feet of Judas Iscariot as lovingly as He did with the feet of the other disciples, knowing that he would betray Him. We cannot force people to love us and one of the most challenging and difficult aspects of love is respecting their choices especially when they do not reciprocate your love for them. It's tough but with God all things are possible. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (NKJV)True love is selfless. Jesus died on the cross hated, ostracised, humiliated, tortured, forsaken, mocked, disrespected and enduring such indescribable pain and suffering. Yet He loved His persecutors saying, “… Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34, NKJV).
No wonder Jesus said, "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you." (Luke 6:27-28,NKJV)
Loving someone who despises you or does not have the same thoughts for you is tough and impossible without the Holy Spirit. Sacrificial love ~ agape love (unconditional love) is what true love is all about. It always seeking the best of everyone.
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NKJV)
May God enable us to love unconditionally and sacrificially. God bless you.
